This morning I woke up with my anxiety on 10. It's 2am and I can't get back to sleep, so I decide to get up and start my day. This is my grandmother's birthday month and she is on my mind heavy right now. I started to reminisce about our little private talks where she gives me advice on life. She's been gone11 years now and I hold those life lessons close to my heart.
It is now 4:12am and I just finished cleaning my apartment. I sit in my living room to do my daily devotions and meditate. I can't focus. My thought takes me back to the beginning of 2020. I had so many things I wanted to accomplish. My anxiety is on the rise again. As I look back over the last 10 months, I realized that I had not accomplished much of anything. Once again, I let myself down. I begin to pray. My prayers then turned into bashing. Then the tears begin to fall. I cried for 15 minutes, then I hear the words "Release". I didn't understand it. Release what? Then I was reminded of all the stuff I keep inside. The stuff, that keeps me paralyzed. The stuff that keeps me in fear. I was holding on to past hurts, heartbreak, anger. I hear the words again..."Release". And that is exactly what I did.
Every tear I cried this time had a purpose. With the first few tears, I released my fears (Fears of failure, the fear of opinions, the fear of not being enough, the fear of not being loved or even liked). The next set of tears, I released procrastination, laziness, hatred, hurt, unforgiveness. The tears kept coming and I kept releasing....loneliness, suicidal thoughts, self doubts. I let it all go. I cried until I was completely empty. When I got off the floor, I immediately felt a shift in my spirit. I begin to pray for restoration. I prayed for healing. I prayed for peace.
My anxiety was down, depression at bay and I have a new sense of direction. Sometimes it's hard letting go....even when its things that no longer serves us. We hold on to fear, bad habits, people's opinions of us...We hold on to hurt because sometimes hurt is all we know, disappointment is all we know. I don't want to live in that place anymore and you shouldn't want to live there either. It's time for your release. There is 2 months left in 2020 and we all know that life is too short to be unhappy. I challenge you to find that thing that makes you happy. Revive that goal you had for yourself. Start that business, write that book, take those classes. 2020 has shown us that life can be taken from you in a split second and I don't want to have any regrets when that time comes. I, myself, have made a conscious decision to stop being lazy and start showing up for myself. I still have goals I want to accomplish. There are people waiting for us to shine our light. I want to be the full manifestation of the woman God has created me to be. So here I am...reintroducing myself to the world but not as my former self...but as my true authentic self. Welcome to my Release party. I hope you enjoy.